Things every parent DOESN'T want for Christmas!!


Its five days into December and it’s starting to sink in that you still have a lot of Christmas shopping to do. So since social media is rife with Xmas gift recommendations I thought I’d do something a little bit different. Every year I get bombarded with unsuitable gifts that make me question whether people really know me at all. Don’t let piss poor judgement ruin any parents Christmas this year, avoid these seven deadly sins of gift giving

Candles

The gift of an open flame! Perfect for a mum whose toddler grabs at anything and everything. Yes, I’ll admit I loved a good Yankee Candle back in the day but when/where do you expect me to burn them now??

Pot Pourri

Again, not sure where I’m going to put this so that those pesky little hands won’t reach but hey.
On the plus side if he does manage to eat some I can skip on brushing his teeth for a few days on account of the delectable wild lavender scent. Yum. Oh and while we’re on the subject of lavender, its vile. I'll never understand peoples love of lavender.

Crossword Puzzles

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. You ready? General knowledge is not my strong suit. That’s why I’m always the quizmaster at Christmas, because I’m thick as shit. And picture this – running around on your feet all day after a toddler and doing copious amounts of housework. This is your first (and possibly only) opportunity to put your feet up and relax. Are you really reaching for a crossword puzzle book over the remote? Hmm.. I didn’t think so either. I’ll wait while you cross that gift off of your shopping lists. 

Toiletry sets

At this point I’ve opened the present and I’m either really impressed that you think I have the time to run a tight ship and have really long soaks in the bath or a little offended because you think it’s essential I start taking better care of myself (code for: you think I’m starting to smell/look unsightly). I don’t have time to shit in peace let alone soak in a bubble bath so that set is just going to accumulate dust in a cupboard. Pass.

Mugs

Aww how sweet, another mug detailing how good a parent I am. Or maybe it’s a one-liner about how charming yet a handful my little’un is. While I appreciate the pun I’m running out of cupboard space. When buying gifts ask yourself “is this clutter?”. If the answer is yes, it’s not suited for a parent. Keep that junk in your trunk. Don’t bring it in my house.

Socks

The answer is yes, you can own too many socks. And yes, I probably liked your Facebook post about constantly losing socks in the washing machine (I even gave it a sad crying emoji too out of generosity) but that doesn’t mean you have to take it upon yourself to buy me multipacks of festive socks that I'll only ever wear when I'm flitting about the house.

Calendars

As a parent its pretty inconvenient having to run to the other side of the house just to find out if the stay and play was this Wednesday at 10am or next Thursday at 12pm or if you remembered to book a babysitter for your night out tomorrow. Isn’t that what smartphones are for?



So there you have it, the seven deadly sins of gift giving.

Note to reader: If you’ve already purchased any of the above items for me I just want to say thank you, I love it. And I really appreciate your effort. *insert awkward smile here* Disclaimer: No feelings were intended to be hurt in the publishing of this post (sidebar: you should have really upped your gift giving game)






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